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| College is so transitory, I still feel like I have at least two different lives. Not that I'm different, but still...
I think that having two worlds has always made me complacent with where I am:
"Oh its ok if I don't work hard now, it's middle school. Colleges don't look at your grades until high school."
"Well it's ok if I don't like the guys that I live with this year, my friends back home will be great this summer."
It's like I always have a safety net, another chance. And I think I'm underachieving.
I hope that, when I graduate, these seperate worlds come crashing together and that I am forced to be fully present in one place, one life. I think that some higher stakes will be good for me.
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| "In our interviews, friendship was largely noticeable by its absence. As a tentative generalization we would say that close friendship with a man or a woman is rarely experienced by American men."
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Excerpts from the other side of the world:
This trip...has been an answer to prayers. I thought it was just a
cliche phrase, but I really have "found myself" on this trip, without
meaning to. One thing I still hope to find is more firmness in my
personaltiy; or maybe malleability is just a part of who I am? I hope I
have a solid core, though.
It was a lemony day, walking through the lemon groves at the Christian
Alcazar, lemonade for lunch, a lemon slushy in the train station, lemon
massage oil in the Banos Arabes.
Something about my plans made me sleep fitfully, so I remember a lot of
dreams. I was in the front row of a very small Steve Wonder concert.
When he hasked my what song I wanted to hear, I requested "Part-Time
Lover." But then I was so mad at myself; "I should have requested
"Signed Sealed Delivered"!" Now I've had "Part-Time Lover" in my head
all morning. OH! Stevie could see!
(At the SummerCase music festival) The first memorage act was Trabant,
where the raging drunk lead singer stripped down to a gold-sequined
speedo to sing "Dirty Little Boy." He had big man boobs.
The train ride was unremarkable, but I did wonder a lot about what the
hell the movie "Hellboy" is really about. Then I got to Sevilla, where
the heat quickly removed any possibility of coherent thought.
There seems to be a very conversational/friendly/young-intellectual
crowd air about Granada. This was a nice change from the heat-tempered
solitude of Sevilla.
I caught the bust to the hot springs...created by an unsuccessful oil
drill. The company was interesting...OH there were also a lot of older,
naked men, behaving quite amorously. It was a touch uncomfortable. The
highlight of it all was riding home in the front seat and having a long
conversation with the driver, by far my best effort yet.
As I race to the end of this trip my intensifying desire to just go
home steadily dulls my memory and makes me increasingly retiscent to
refelct on the days that are blurring together behind me like mirages
in the Spanish heat.
So I guess that this is it for this adventure. I can't say I'm sad it's
over, but it was a really great trip, in important ways. Hello future
me, I hope that you are humble and seeking after God, and that you
never take your family and friends for granted, not even for an instant.
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| Introducing...Sancho Panza
In his new and improved home.
He's a good fish.
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| This entry is my way of documenting some important things that I don't want to forget:
Lately, I have been in a learning mode. It isn't just from school, or my group work, or the basketball team, or anything specific that I'm doing. I learning on a greater scale. I guess that's really the point of all that stuff anyway.
Today, while working with my group, I learned that I am a big picture person. I like to take in a lot of information and synthesize it into coherent ideas that lead our discussion. I like being the creative force in our group, bringing big new ideas to the table so that we can discuss them. On the other hand, I do not necessarily like making my ideas happen. By this, I mean that I don't really like working over the details; how to write something, to exactly to implement a plan, etc.
In this spirit, I am going to do a little self review, just to get down in writing some of the ideas that have passed through my head this year.
STRENGTHS:
Thinking creatively
Understanding people
Critical thinking
Advice...sometimes
Not overanalyzing
Seeing positive opportunities
Trusting people
Putting my emotion into perspective
TRYING TO IMPROVE:
Loving others
Conversation
Showing people that I care
Thoroughness,in anything
Managing my time/commitments
Making promises I can't keep
Taking the easy route and not being completely honest with people
Compromising with others
Taking criticism
Humility
This list is in progress, I will try to keep updating it as I think about it.
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